Dude's Must See Products for June 2020

What're those pins of? Some sort of bulbous cacti or...oh.

They're hairy testicles. A pair of a pair of hairy testicles handmade to be worn by you and your bromance better half to prove the bond between you is stronger than steel. Stronger than balls of steel. Stronger than the humiliation of walking around wearing balls of steel.

Oh nuts, it's the ultimate Friendship Test. The ultimate gag gift too.

Well flamin' pits and great bowls of fire! Here are 11 of the best backyard fire pits, here to ignite your date nights, goo up your s'mores nights, and make your warm summer nights just a little warmer.

QuenchSea is a handheld seawater desalination gadget designed with sailors, campers, emergencies, and humanitarian relief in mind. Its design allows for a steady flow of seawater to pass through 3 stages of conversion, producing up to 3 liters of fresh, potable water in an hour. But there is a catch.

QuenchSea is powered manually. By you. Which is great when you're off the grid - in the middle of the ocean, or stranded on a desert island without power - but it does mean you're going to have to put in a lot of grunt work to turn salty straw into hydrating gold. A telescoping pole tucked into the side of the QuenchSea unit attaches to its base, and a footpad slides out for you to step on for stabilization. From there the effort looks straightforward, like pumping a well, but moving side-to-side instead of up-and-down. It's hard to tell how much resistance you're going to get from the water and filtration systems, but doing anything so repetitive nonstop for an hour is bound to add up.

Then again, as QuenchSea points out, "Of course, you have to pump for the entire period, but you will, if your life depends on it!"

Go from BRRRR to GRRRR. It's called Russian-Bear because that's who makes this cold-weather-ready hot tent with stove jack, but I think also because as soon as you get your wood stove a-glowin' inside, I'll bet many a Russian bear will endeavor to join you. Especially if dutch oven honey cakes are on the menu for dinner.

My efforts to bring you the 12 best products for socially distanced summer fun have produced activities for the indoors and out. Some are solo endeavors. Some are pastimes for the whole family, or you and the randos you share your home with. Some are ideas for kiddie entertainment that send the wee ones off on their own, so you can have a moment of peace to read your book. Or spend time with your other wee one.

You know, your penis.

For ye who seek to build a backyard retreat who have already scrimped and saved, here are some ideas to help you splurge on your endeavor. Hot tubs, hammocks, detached office pods, and huge cauldrons o' fire.

And for those still in scrimping mode, paired with every splurge is a more economical option that will still help convert your backyard into a retreat worthy of escaping to all summer long. Hell, why not hunker down and just ride out the rest of 2020? Scrimps range from trash can grills to flyin' saucer hammocks, and solar powered patio umbrellas to fryin' saucer outdoor cookers.

There are 18 scrimps and splurges in all, and all ready to help you build the ultimate backyard retreat.

Not sure I'll make it to the beach this summer, but...the odds of getting there are a helluva lot higher than the odds of getting one of Piscinas de Arena's luxury backyard sand pools, in-ground swimming pools made with real compacted sand. Maybe my mama will spring for one at her place.

Piscinas de Arena custom designs their sand pools according to each client's preferences and outdoor space configuration. Their fluid shapes and sloped, graduated entries mimic a beach leading into the ocean, and are possible thanks to a malleable gunite concrete poured base. Gunite adapts to any shape or dimension, enabling the additional benefit of pool installation that follows and incorporates your property's natural shapes and changes in elevation.

It's not the Double Deuce, but this RoadHaus is still one I bet Patrick Swayze would gladly sign on to bounce hooligans out of. And by hooligans I mean skunks, mosquitos, and maybe the occasional black bear. And by Patrick Swayze, I mean the ghost of Patrick Swayze, may he rest in peace with eternal access to a potter's wheel.

The RoadHaus Wedge RV is a mobile version of a luxury tiny home. At just 250 square feet it packs in a living room large enough to cush out with a couch, TV, and fireplace, a full kitchen, a sick bathroom that looks 10 times nicer than the one I have in my not-tiny house, and a bedroom / office area that can accommodate a queen bed. Gee, I wish I had an office that could accommodate a queen bed.

Wish I had a job that required a queen bed.

The Zeltini Z-Triton: coming soon to a road! A lake! A teeny-tiny plat of land near you!

Zeltini, a husband-and-wife (and family dog) design & prototyping workshop out of Latvia, calls the amphibious Z-Triton a "house-boat-trike," built so that neither land nor water will stop you on your journey to earn the Adult Achievement Sticker of Sportiest Dude in the Cul de Sac.