Dude's Must See Products for September 2023

While these Retractable Vampire Fangs are mighty cool and all, I just don't need them to complete my Nandor the Relentless (aka Nandor De Laurentiis*) costume this Halloween. One of the many, many glorious details in What We Do in the Shadows is the vampires don't bother retracting their fangs when interacting with the humans of Long Island. And the humans don't bother noticing them!

So while I do seek an ornately detailed vampire cape, a leather coat with many buckles suitable for a warrior of the Ottoman Empire, and a pair of dark brown corduroys (because this dude does not believe in sacrificing all semblance of comfort just to win a costume contest) I'll leave the Retractable Vampire Fangs to the dudes and ladies out there who want to dress up as Dracula, or a member of the Buffyverse.

This briefcase contains $1,000 in cash...spent on LG's new StanbyME Go Briefcase Design Touch Screen. Designed for tailgates, camping trips, outdoor movie nights for two, and handcuffing to your wrist, the StanbyME Go is a well-protected and easily portable monitor you can use to stream content, interact with your favorite apps and social media platforms, and play games and music.

Neville Boston calls metal license plates "a 19th century feature of 21st century life." Boston is the co-founder of Reviver, a company that has launched digital license plates called RPlates, in an effort to make your vehicle's nametags as modern and tech-savvy as the vehicle itself.

Talk about a killer coaster. Krakdrag developed the most excellent Mug Chomp Self-Adjusting Coaster in the likeness of the Super Mario Bros. Chain Chomp. But rather than doing evil things, such as making you small or killing you, here the toothy ball and chain does you a double kindness: protects your table from rings and stains; and chomps down on the precise girth of your mugs, bottles, and cans to prevent them from falling over if they get bumped.

Who knew a mortal enemy of Mario and Luigi could become such a valued friend to drinkers of beverages?

Simply replace your existing showerhead with the Jolie Filtered Showerhead, and begin your transformation into Angelina! In just 20 to 25 scrub-a-dubs under the nozzle's DNA-altering filter, the Jolie-ification of your hair, face, and body should be complete. Weee! Can't wait to buy this showerhead as a gift for my wife and mama!

Nah, creating Angelina Jolie clones is not what the Jolie Filtered Showerhead does. And now that I've built it up to that covetous level, I'm afraid the truth of its capabilities have little chance of impressing you dudes and ladies. Nonetheless, here goes: the Jolie Filtered Showerhead removes chlorine, heavy metals, and other contaminants from your shower water that can lead to dry skin, dull / damaged hair, change in hair color, and rashes / irritation. Improved hair and skin condition should be noticeable, with some seeing and feeling a difference after the first use.

What do you get when you combine a toaster, an external hard drive, and a 1990s Kodak camera? Nothing. But add some wheels, handlebars, and a seat, and voila! You've got Honda's new Motocompacto all-electric scooter!

The Motocompacto is a nod to Honda's early-80s folding microscooter, the Motocompo. Like its predecessor, the Motocompacto is easy to pack into a compact brick that fits in your car and stores in small spaces. Its folded dimensions are 3.7" wide x 21.1" tall x 29.2" long. At just 41.3 pounds, it's also fairly easy to lug the scooter up a few steps, and bring it with you onto public transport.

Minimis says when Minimis says to ditch your phone, they mean it. And they're not even trying to be your down-with-technology-self-care, disconnect-for-mental-health woo-woo guru about it. They just made the Minimus Glass, a pair of smart HUD sunglasses they believe will serve you way better than your phone when you're outdoors and on the move.

Designed especially for athletes and fitness enthusiasts, Minimis Glass combines UV-protective shades with a head-up display system that projects performance data, maps & navigation, and phone / watch / bike computer data right onto their polarized transition lenses.

Me and the EZ-Nabber Cat Catcher have one thing to say to my cat, Zanzibar: yes, my feline friend, naughty kitties who leap at their owners in the midst of pouring a bottle of red wine, knock over all the filled glasses, and soak the humans, the carpet, and themselves in Pinot Noir can indeed go to the groomer's for a bath.

Me and the EZ-Nabber Cat Catcher also have one thing to say to mama's neighbor's fat cat, Willard: if you hop over that fence, you better watch your back, son.

Even though Campbell Pet Company's netted jaws are mostly intended for vets and animal shelter workers, and mostly made as "a way to safely and humanely remove a fractious cat or small animal from a cage while avoiding injury to yourself and staff," I believe the EZ-Nabber can also enjoy a long and fruitful life at my disposal for personal use.

The Iron Mando Porcelain Helmet is what happens when creative visionaries and skilled artists don't want to get sued by Disney or Marvel. Discommon, the design firm behind the Iron Mando, calls their full-size porcelain helmet a "collision of art and fandom," and will officially release it as a limited run in October 2023.

Oh, and yes, dudes, I did say "full-size." The Iron Mando Helmet might actually fit on your head. But it's obviously not adjustable, and despite its release date, Discommon didn't intend it to become your contest-winning Halloween costume this year. They strongly advise displaying it as an authentic Chinese porcelain sculpture, rather than wearing it for attention on Instagram and TikTok.