Projectile Style: Unique Bulletproof Clothing & Gear

Posted: July 11, 2018

Ballistic Lifestyle: Unique Bulletproof Clothing & Gear

A collection of bulletproof clothing shouldn't just protect you from harm, it should protect you from looking like a fashion disaster. Why should body armor stop at bland and functional if we have the creativity to make it runway-ready?

Similarly, gear built to stop high-velocity projectiles in their tracks shouldn't just be NIJ strength tested to ensure ballistic protection, they should be crowd tested to ensure anyone who sees you with some knows you're a pimp.

The bulletproof clothing and gear that follows doesn't just do its job in the midst of gunfire, it does its job with projectile style.

Note: Bulletproof clothing and gear prices are approximate, and listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.

Ballistic Puffer Jacket

Bulletproof vest, meet bulletproof puffy vest. This torso adorner is a one of a kind, and has been tested and certified to level 111A protection. In addition to providing some body armor, the puffy vest provides the expected puffy vest warmth, plus, at just over 6 pounds, probably kicks up a little extra blood flow with the additional work you'll have to do wearing it around.

The vest's bulletproofing comes courtesy of soft Kevlar insert, which is removable for washing, or on days when you just want to wear a normal puffy vest like everyone else.

$530 ➠ BladeRunner

Bulletproof Clipboard

Know why I need a bulletproof clipboard? The same reason I need a tactical beer mug: so that I'm prepared the 1 in 1,000,000 times I need to go Jason Bourne in protecting and defending myself, and so that I'm prepared the 999,999 in 1,000,000 times I just need something righteous to hold my Bud Light Lime and drawings of unicorns eating baby back ribs.

Also, once my friend Cornelius sees what I put in his shampoo and conditioner bottles while he was away on his first weekend trip with the vegan girlfriend, I might need a bulletproof clipboard to protect me from the gatling gun's worth of rubber bands he's going to fire at me.

$130 ➠ Hardwire

Karlmann King Bulletproof SUV

The Karlmann King is the ride Batman will get once he settles down, has kids, and needs a more practical car, a roomy SUV, to cart them all to soccer practice and trombone lessons in.

Fresh out of Dubai, the Karlmann King has the marks of over 1,800 auto designers on it. And still, every one of the SUVs will be made fully custom to your interior and exterior whims. For example, would you like your 4-wheeled wasted retirement fund to have a carbon fiber and steel, or carbon fiber and bulletproof body? To consider: the former will land 9,920 pounds in your driveway; the latter a hefty 13,230 pounds.

$2.2 Million ➠ Karlmann King

Bulletproof Baseball Cap

BulletSafe's Bulletproof Baseball Cap is made specifically for police and security guards. It offers level IIA protection, which means it can prevent 9mm, .38, .380, .40, and some .45 caliber rounds from entering the skull upon impact.

$130 ➠ BulletSafe

CoverMe-Seat

Cover my back...and give it some support. The CoverMe-Seat is a protection twofer. Its first configuration sets it up as a bleacher seat, complete with self-supported back. But a couple twists and turns, and the CoverMe-Seat transforms into a convertible bulletproof vest, embedded with NIJ IIIA-tested Body Armor.

$150 ➠ Practical Protection

Garrison Bespoke Bulletproof Suit

Got dangerous work travels? Talk to the tailors at Garrison Bespoke, and they'll custom make you a dangerous-place-safe business suit. A dapper coat and pants that fit like they were 3D-printed to your body, both injected and juiced up with carbon nanotubes.

Garrison Bespoke partnered suppliers for the US 19th Special Forces to develop their bulletproof suit. The carbon nanotubes lining its threads are the same as those used in US troops' uniforms, but Garrison Bespoke's patented suit material has managed, they say, to eliminate a lot of the bulk and rigidity of the fabric. The result is 50% lighter than Kevlar.

In use the entire suit serves as a ballistic shield; the nanotubes in the fabric harden to block penetration.

Custom Made - Inquire for Pricing ➠ Garrison Bespoke

Bullet Resistant Fiberglass Panel

This is a Level 2 protection fiberglass panel you can use to line the doors and walls surrounding security enclosures, such as back teller counters, judges' benches, and ticket booths. Or, perhaps, your living room. Or, perhaps the closet housing your comic book collection.

According to manufacturer CR Laurence, these 3/8" fiberglass panels can withstand multiple high-speed impacts with limited ricocheting and shattering. Their Level 2 rating is out of a possible 3 levels, and was deemed to meet the standards of the U.L. 752 Ballistic Performance Requirements Test.

$920 ➠ Amazon

Bulletproof Armani Wall Street Suit

You'll have to settle for going Wall Street bulletproof in Slate Blue if you go with Bulletblocker's bulletproof Armani suit. It doesn't have the customization options Garrison Bespoke's ballistic workwear does. But it's still an Armani suit.

And, I mean, beggars of clothing that renders them impenetrable to projectiles from a 357 Magnum, 44 Magnum, 9mm, and .45 caliber hollow point can't really be choosers.

Bulletblocker upgrades these Armani Wall Street Suits with NIJ IIIA Bulletproof protection.

$5,900 ➠ Bulletblocker

Bulletproof Gucci Diaper Bag

I don't know that much about kids, but I'm pretty sure you fill diaper bags with diapers, not babies, and I'm pretty sure if you were in a hostile environment with a bunch of diapers and a baby, you'd be more interested in protecting the baby than the diapers.

I guess the point of owning a bulletproof Gucci diaper bag is to have the option of using it as a shield or barrier between you and your baby. Seeing as you'd never leave home with one but not the other.

Bulletblocker has used DuPont Kevlar technologies to armor up this already supreme Gucci diaper bag.

$3,100 ➠ Bulletblocker

Dartz Prombron Black Shark SpyKar

Based on a Mercedes-Benz GL, the Russian-made Black Shark is offered with either a take on the twin-turbo 5.5-litre V8 engine from the GL63 AMG, or a modified version of the twin-turbo 6.0-litre V12 from the GL65 AMG. Additional key Black Shark features include:

Kevlar and titanium body to guard riders against magnetic mines
A rotating bulletproof grille, B7 armor plating, and a sniper-resistant roof
A distance explosive detector and signal jammer
Electrochromatic privacy windows
Disappearing doorhandles
An anti-paparazzi shock-device
Fingerprint and retina scanning system
An elaborate crowd-repelling light and sound system

Inquire for (7-figure) Price ➠ Dartz

Nutshellz Level I Bullet Resistant Groin Cup

My sense is that Nutshellz made a bullet resistant cup more to prove a point than to thwart the penetration of actual bullets into your cock and balls. Rather, their Level I protector's technical specs reflect a very high level of thought and engineering, and possibly over-engineering, that went into the cup's construction.

Indeed the Level I is made with bullet resistant materials, including Dyneema, Kevlar, carbon fiber, and polyurethane, and according to Nutshellz, "Ballistic tests have confirmed that even a 9mm bullet can't penetrate our Level 2 groin protector." (Shown here is the Level I; Level II will run you another $30+ bucks.)

$100 ➠ Amazon

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