Taste Bud Bogglers: Weirdly Flavored Snacks
And when I say "weirdly flavored snacks," I'm not just talking about food layered, infused, injected, or covered in bacon. Bacon has had its run as the surprise and offbeat addition to your favorite sweet and savory treats. These are the new taste bud bogglers in town.
Or, in some cases, the old taste bud bogglers new to this town, since they've been around Asia for years.
Also, I'm not talking about weird ingredients here. It's not bugs and cringe-inducing cow parts, or unpronounceable creatures from the sea, that make these snacks bud bogglers - or at least not only them. It's the combination and/or application of ingredients and flavors - tastes you wouldn't normally mash up or put in that item, and serve to dudes and ladies as the perfect way to sate their 3 p.m. cravings, or weed-induced munchies.
They're the kind of weirdly flavored snacks that had to be created as jokes. Or by pregnant women. Or in Japan. Check them out - and try some if your palate dares.
Tuna & Spicy Cod Roe Mayonnaise Slices
Almost every word of that title - Tuna & Spicy Cod Roe Mayonnaise Slices - makes me gag. And this here is what I'd call a 1-2 punch of weird(and gross)ness, since we're not just talking fish-flavored mayo, but fish-flavored mayo created as condiment slices to produce an equally F'd up texture.
According to Sora News 24, these culinary delights from Japanese company Bourbon will debut in March 2020, but only - and thankfully! - in Japan.
However, North Americans jealous of Asia's solidification of a beloved condiment do have the option of getting them some ketchup slices.
Hamakua Spam Macadamia Nuts
Our first entry from Asia comes not from Japan, but from the Asia-Pacific Hawaiian Islands. Macadamia nuts are a booming crop there, and Spam a booming import, so I guess Hamakua Plantations figured combining one booming thing with another would produce a boom-squared, or a BOOM!
Hamakua Spam Macadamia Nuts are described as, "Light, smoky, and delicious." They're also vegetarian, so clearly the Spam flavoring is a mad scientist concoction rather than an actual integration.
Everything Bagel Nut Butter
From Eliot's Adult Nut Butters, the Everything Bagel Nut Butter contains - you guessed it - everything you'd find on an everything bagel, blended into everything you'd find in an everything nut butter. Oh! Except peanuts. No peanuts in this savory spread.
Ingredients it does have: Roasted Almonds; Cashews; Hazelnuts; Sunflower seeds; Sesame seeds; poppy seeds; diced garlic; diced onion; and Salt.
Pringles-Flavored Instant Ramen Noodles
It's Pringles-Flavored instant ramen noodles! And! And! Ramen-flavored Pringles potato chips! In honor of Pringles' 50th anniversary and Super Cup's 30th anniversary, the brands teamed up on a mashup of both of their products, in 2 different dorm-room-, bachelor-pad-, and office-break-room-ready forms.
Lester's Fixins Soda Pop Sampler Pack
Lester's Fixins is a beverage "brand" known for its offbeat and off-putting sodie flavors. Lester kicked things off years ago with his Bacon Soda, but carbonated meat candy isn't even the standout in this 6-pack, which includes (in order of least to most offensive): Pumpkin Pie Soda; Peanut Butter & Jelly Soda; Sweet Corn Soda; Bacon Soda; Buffalo Wing Soda; and - retch! - Ranch Dressing Soda.
Fatafat Ayurvedic Digestive Pills
Yes, the Fatafat package officially deems these Indian pellets "Ayurvedic Digestive Pills," but anecdotal evidence (i.e., some Indian people I know, this article from Atlas Obscura) indicates kiddos in India pop this Fat like candy. Or at least today's Millennials did in the 80s and 90s.
So...medicine, candy, potato, potahto. Point is, I bought some Fatafat for snacking a while back, and let me tell you about their taste. It was like...a sugary jelly bean mixed with a little bit of salt, a little bit of curry powder, and a little bit of, um, stagnant water. Fatafat wasn't for me.
And if you try some and decide the black candy-pills are for you, go easy at first. Your bowels might not agree.
Internet Cookies - A Cookie Subscription for Foodies
Internet Cookies bake at the hand of Gaia M. Valdemarsdottir Acree and, yes, her flavors are as unique of a mouthful as her name. February's offering (pictured above left): Tamarind & Sesame Cookies with Candied Coriander Seeds, Coffee & Chocolate. In January 2020, subscribers received E3 Live Blue Green Algae & Pickled Heirloom Blueberry Biscotti. December 2019 saw a Farro, Maple, Honey & Warm Spices Cookie with Sea Salt.
I mean, I can't say live blue green algae and coriander seeds would be my first choice of cookie flavorings, but the Internet Cookies all look so purdy, I'd try them all. Huh. Dangling shiny treats in front of my eyes. Guess that's how all Internet Cookies get me every time.
French's Yellow Mustard Ice Cream
I do love me some ice cream. And I've been known to add condiments to my burgers and dogs at a 1:1 ratio. So why not throw these two crazy kids together and see what kind of culinary delight / disaster comes of it?
Maybe you think I should add French's Mustard Ice Cream to my collection of things that make you go ewww, but until both of us take a few licks of it, I think I'll start out the frozen balls of yellow moo juice on my list of strange and unique products made in gold. And, indeed, French's Mustard Ice Cream (#MustCream for branding?) is a beaut in gold. Gold like the star whomever came up with it should get for the idea. Gold like the greatest of showers.
Craptails: The World's Worst, Weirdest, and Most Disturbing Drinks
What do you call The World's Worst, Weirdest, and Most Disturbing Drinks? Craptails. Complete with martini glass filled with a soft-serve swirl of poo. Clint Lanier and Derek Hembree endeavor to teach us "the art of crapology" in 200 cocktails. That is, two hundred of the nastiest, most vile, most direct blow to your gag reflex "drink" creations ever mixed.
Case in point: Dirty Panties. Ingredients: 1 oz. Silver tequila; 1 tsp grated Parmesan cheese. Mixing Directions: Pour tequila into shot glass, add cheese, serve.
Wasabi Kit Kat Bars
It's not even that weird to my brain that the Japanese make Wasabi Kit Kats - coated in chocolate - because, of course they do. Were I ever to try one of the sticks, I'm sure my taste buds would overrule my brain, but that's not going to happen. I think a teeny little wad of traditional wasabi paste diluted in a full dish of soy sauce is enough lean, mean, nasal-passageway-explodin' green machine for my body right now.
Clam Candy Canes
Well. At least these are meant to be a joke. Archie McPhee's Clamdy Canes will take you right back to that summer vacation off the coast of Maine...before taking you right to the john to puke the memories up.
Blue Cheese Lollipops
Would you file Blue Cheese Lollipops under the category of Candy or Gross? I guess it depends on how you feel about blue cheese. And lollipops. About mixing sweet and savory. About stinky suckers. About the equivalent of sucking on an entire barnyard after a sugar snow.
According to Blue Cheese Lollipop maker Lollyphile, this sucker started out as a joke. And even once executed no one want to try it. The honor went to Maria, the poor model in the photo above.
Vodquila & Rumquila
Vodquila and Rumquila A mix of vodka or rum, tequila, and a first class ticket to a hangover-free Sunday morning. I know they say two wrongs don't make a right and all that malarkey, but I don't think that's true for alcohol. Like, I'm pretty sure mixing two liquors individually notorious for being very strong, very shootable, and very likely to make you wake up the next morning wearing a duct tape turban and boots filled with 3 inches of glitter will actually create a Super Liquor that transcends the tendency to make poor decisions, black out, and vomit up one's own stomach lining after a night of heavy drinking.
Well, either that or it will cause your world to come crashing down exponentially faster and exponentially worse.
So who wants some Vodquila? ... Rumquila, then?