Gummi Army Guys
- World's Largest Gummi Worm - $29.99
- Mustache Lollipop - $7.28
- Giant Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - $12.20
- Single, 5-pound Gummi Bear - $34.99
- Peppermint Stick Spoons - $10.50
These aren't just Gummi Army Guys. These are 5 pounds of Gummi Army Guys. If I ate all of them, I would be 5 pounds heavier. Until I projectile vomited faster than the speeding bullets the GIs are ammo'd up with, at which point I would walk away 6 to 8 pounds lighter. So that's, like, reason number 73 to buy a bag of artificially apple-flavored high fructose corn syrup and green dye no. 3 military dudes. (Numbers 1 through 72 are because gummi products are F'in delicious.)
I wonder who would win in a battle between Gummi Army Guys, Sriracha Bomb Lollipops, and Ghost Pepper Candy Balls. My money's on the rooster. Explosively hot, trained cock fighter, and universally revered is a triple threat that would be hard to bring down. Sorry, green men and Mexican chiles.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
26-Pound Gummy Python
Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...
/frenchs-mustard-skittles-61030.jpg?mode=crop "French's Mustard Skittles")
French's Mustard Skittles
If you think French's Mustard Skittles - bags of monotone yellow Skittles flavored not like lemon, but French's Mustard - are a wild and crrraaazy idea!, well. You must have missed the National Mustard Day celebratory...
/Han-Solo-Carbonite-Chocolate-Bar-1361.jpg?mode=crop "Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar")
Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar
What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...
/bulk-single-flavor-candy-16073.jpg "Bulk Single Flavor Candy")
Bulk Single Flavor Candy
Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...
Japanese Kit Kat Bars
Why are green Kit Kats so mesmerizing? Because they look like Zombie Kit Kats? Their flavor is Maccha Green Tea, so they can't possibly taste like anything resembling good, yet they have been flying off the virtual shelves...
/10-pound-toblerone-bar-20449.jpg "10-Pound Toblerone Bar")
10-Pound Toblerone Bar
Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...
Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls
Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise...
/koko-nuggz-56700.jpg?mode=crop "Koko Nuggz")
Koko Nuggz
Koko Nuggz weed-themed treats are so fun, so poppable, and so full of sugar and Rice Krispie carbs that even without the THC they'll probably get you high. Or, according to the Koko Nuggz nugget bakers, at least "shock...
/14-must-have-eats-while-under-43388.jpg?mode=crop "14 Must Have Eats While Under Quarantine")
14 Must Have Eats While Under Quarantine
It's not that these 14 must have eats while under quarantine are any less delectable and covetable when we're not sheltering in place, it's just that building the Best Pantry Ever of snacks and candy, and a munchie- and...
Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Candy
Let's preface this pimp of Danilo Buendia's Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Rock Candy with the obvious: rock candy is pretty easy to make oneself. Even Blue Glass rock candy. Certainly easier than Blue Glass meth, and probably...
/the-best-halloween-candy-for-40589.jpg?mode=crop "The Best Halloween Candy for Adults")
The Best Halloween Candy for Adults
I compiled a list of the best Halloween candy for adults because I figured some of you, like me, would want something more than just sugar-dipped sugar with a gooey sugar center to pair with your candy corn Jell-O shots...
Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows
If the sight of a Shiba Inu makes you just want to squishitsface, well, how about sparing the dog's dignity and ability to breathe, and taking out your cuteness aggression on a set of Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows? Come...