Cake in a Can

Posted: August 03, 2014
Cake in a Can
$7.25 - $9.07
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The Food Ministry makes Cake in a Can. Well, really they mix up dry cake ingredients and seal them inside an adorable cylinder of recyclable metal. Then they ship them to people who are too lazy or inept to follow the directions on a boxed cake mix, or who OMGLove! cutesy stuff and miniature stuff and just all stuff, so that we can pour in some water and stick that single-serving saccharine treat in the oven for 15 minutes. Exactly long enough to roll a fat joint and let the first couple puffs settle in. How convenient that Cake in a Can and I have similar bake times.

Speaking of which, it's funny that The Food Ministry's partner storefront for Cake in a Can sales is called Not on the High Street because when I order 3 dozen Cakes in a Can later on tonight I will definitely be on the High Street.

Speaking of which, it also just occurred to me that Cake in a Can might be the only creation that is both the perfect gift for your girlfriend and the perfect gift for your favorite stoner. The Food Ministry also recommends them for wedding and party favors.

Canned cake varieties include: Birthday Cake; Chocolate; Chilli Chocolate; Coffee; Red Velvet; and Wedding Cake. And, no, I don't know exactly what flavors Birthday Cake and Wedding Cake incorporate. If I had to guess though, I would say the former tastes like pure joy and the latter like imminent death.

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