The Go Plate

Posted: August 16, 2012
The Go Plate
$17.99 - $21.99
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The day has come. Never again will we be forced to set down either our beers or our plates before administering a high five during tailgates, backyard BBQs, and the Journey featuring Special Guests Foreigner and Night Ranger concert. The Go Plate, undiscriminating on top of being the answer to my palm-poundin' prayers, accepts the heads of just about any beer vessel--from bottles to cans to Red Solo Cups--in its hollowed out center cone, with plenty of space to spare for a healthy pile of hot wings and deluxe nachos in the surrounding food tunnel.

Go Plates, made of the same sturdy plastic used in water and other clear bottles, are reusable and top-rack dishwasher safe, plus recyclable when the drunk and stuffed are ready to hurl them frisbee-style into the trash. Or, given that they don't appear to be aerodynamic in any way, frisbee-style somewhere maybe in the vicinity of the trash.

In the grand tradition of vendors selling self-explanatory products, Go Plate's makers provide extensive directions for Go Plate use. These include:

  • "If it is a bottle, push it through the top opening. It is now secure for eating off the plate. Lift plate off to drink." [Though that reminder about lifting the plate off the bottle before drinking seems preposterous, I have to concede that I could see myself forgetting to take this step, and then sending an angry letter to Go Plate about the ribs and Bad Jew BBQ Sauce all over my RUM HAM t-shirt.]
  • "If it is a can, take your free hand, and push the plate cone down until the can meets the underneath side of the cone opening. It is now secure for eating off the plate. To drink, twist the can and the plate in opposite directions to lift the plate off the can."
  • "If is it a cup, carefully rest the plate on the cup, securing the top lip of the cup in one of 3 sets of ridges under the cone meant to provide a point to balance the plate on the cup. Push to snap into place for more stable eating. Unsnap to drink, replace plate, repeat until you are full." [Repeat until I am full! A directional gem! And the one instruction no American ever needs to be told. Who would ever dream of not repeating until full? In fact, "full" is an understatement. It should read, "Repeat until you feel it coming out the other end."]

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