Nana Hats Banana Preservers
Nana Hats, a 2-piece combo of a silicone condom and a crocheted animal or other cutesy item cover, call themselves banana preservers. I call them another banana invention that's, yep, say it with me, bananas.
Can't we just leave our favorite phallic tropical fruit alone? From the Banana Slicer to the bike-mounted Banana Holder, bananas have been subjected to more needless tools and accessories than any other piece of produce on the planet. Which is most baffling to me because, of all the fruits and vegetables out there, bananas are the ones best equipped to survive with no help at all.
Think about it. A banana comes with its own protective packaging, which isn't just custom-fit to its precise shape and size, but also equipped with color-changing properties that clearly indicate when its contents have reached various stages of ripeness. And when you're ready to eat it, removing the banana's packaging is super easy - it's the most frustration-free packaging ever! Oranges, kiwis, mangoes, pineapples, motherf**ker? Pssh. I'd rather be assigned to open a dozen kids' toys in plastic clamshell packaging.
And once you get the banana open? Well first of all, you can use its package as a holder while you eat it, preventing your fingers from getting banana-y, and your banana from getting germy finger-y. And second of all, a banana requires no utensils to prepare for eating, and no napkin during consumption. Just bite off whatever size pieces you want. Or break it in half if you're in the mood for sharing. It's the perfect texture for teeth, it won't threaten to cut up your mouth like an apple. And it's sticky, drippy juice-free - lookin' at you, peaches and strawberries.
And as for Nana Hats inhibiting the absorption of the ethylene gas bananas produce as they begin to ripen, thus slowing the ripening process...uh, OK, whatever. I don't even know if that works or not, but dude. If your bananas are going bad before you eat them, then you're buying too many bananas! Don't get a Nana Hat, just get fewer bananas!
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