Carrot Cigarettes

Posted: April 01, 2012

ADDITIONAL IMAGES

Smooth, full-flavored, and chock full of vitamins, carrot cigarettes fill the void in the health-conscious segment of the tobacco industry. Smokers looking to refine their habit, or live past the age of 60, and non-smokers looking to more closely emulate the characters of Mad Men will find their kingdom come in Carrolotos. They're low in tar and nicotine, but high in thiamin, niacin, and vitamin B6, rendering the same calming, satiating effects as their killer cousins, without the side order of cancer. And don't worry, Carrolotos are also packed with dietary fiber, so just like the old days, you'll still feel the need to hit the head with a magazine halfway through your smoke.

Studies have shown that trading in pack-a-day habits of Marlboro Lights for Carrolotos produces astounding health benefits. Although no noticeable improvement was shown in vision, there is evidence that making the switch can lead to:

Breathing
Tolerable breath and body odor
A brown-to-yellow upgrade in tooth color
An upper lip that doesn't look like a skin graft from a chicken
A decrease in condescending looks from people who take drugs for their anxiety instead of smoking cigarettes
Sexual advancements from vegetarians and friends' pet guinea pigs

Additionally, instead of the carcinogen-hued smoke, and suffocating odor of tar and wasted potential that wafts from traditional cigarettes, Carrolotos produce psychedelic orange clouds that are virtually odor free, less a hint of vegan juice bar freshness.

Disclaimer: May lead to a severe case of orange skin if abused.

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