The Mansion From Funny People

Posted: September 17, 2011

In: OMG ➠ Pads

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Discontinued

Maybe the most classically beautiful and inspired piece of real estate currently for sale in measurable spatial dimensions. An absolute knockout, and so innocent looking! Five shiny Sacajawea dollars say this PYT from Malibu has spent its whole life staving off a long line of crusty old men with deep pockets.

The main house's 16,107 square feet, 13 bedrooms, and 14 bathrooms have been featured in the movies Funny People and I Love You Man, and owner Richard Weintraub's recent decision to hang the "For Sale" sign came only after the prim property refused to be pimped out for $250,000 a month. Ah, an estate with aesthetic appeal and family values!

Its two-story entryway, constructed with hand-carved limestone, leads into a supersized living room paneled in pale maple, which leads into a handsome open-air gallery, which leads into acres of pristine lawns and landscaping, which lead into the glorious vastness of the Pacific Ocean, which leads into shirtless David Hasselhoff in slo-mo for anyone who can't at least tread water. Other perks include indoor and outdoor pools, an elevator, a full-size gym, office space that can double as a 6-bedroom guest house, and one of the largest private greenhouses in the state of California. The Pacific Highway waste collectors probably earn six-figure incomes just by selling the stuff they find in this place's trash on Craig's List. On top of it, the $75,000,000 showstopper comes fully stocked with the likes of exquisite George III furnishings, 18th-century amethyst and rock crystal chandeliers, and a 2,500-year-old lion's head sculpture recovered from the base of Mt. Vesuvius. Geez, couldn't this Weintraub guy at least have had the courtesy of stuffing the inside with oddball or tacky decor so we could play the "More money than taste" card, and make ourselves feel a little better about the paltriness of our own lives?

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