Indestructible Biometric Wallet
/indestructible-biometric-2753.jpg "Indestructible Biometric Wallet")
- Carbon Fiber Wallet - $23.99
- CashStash Capsule - $12.00
- Biometric Wall Safe - $132.75
- The Pulverizer Demolition Hammer - $37.80
- Fingerprint Lock for Laptops - $13.99
Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible, and programs to lock and unlock only via its owner's fingerprint. Additionally, Bluetooth-linking capabilities allow for setting a mobile phone alarm to sound when master and money are separated by more than 15 feet. Though even if someone does manage to swipe it, the punk won't be able to penetrate its genetically coded security system, so this time when the po find your wallet in a dumpster half a mile away, it will still be intact, and full of all your cash, credit cards, forms of identification, and 2 x 3 photos of the wife, kids, and Bar Rafaeli. Take that, rapscallion pickpockets of high-density tourist areas!
The Biometric Wallet's outer shell is a nearly-impenetrable carbon fiber that unfolds to reveal its buttery black leather interior, and stainless steel money clip. At $825, it's, ironically, going to be the one thing that does some damage to your wallet, but, hey, luxury don't come cheap, and this particular brand of luxury will last a lifetime. Maybe even an eternity. There will certainly be no need to buy another wallet again, and, presuming current holders remember to re-program the fingerprinting system before they take to the grave, it can even attain heirloom status as it moves down through the generations of families that obviously know how to protect their fortunes.
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