Eidos Superhuman Senses Gear
- Bright Eyes - All Natural Vision Enhancer - $15.50
- Earglasses Personal Sound Magnifiers - $9.95
- Illuminated Multipower LED Binohead Magnifier - $7.79
- TinBest EAR Hearing Amplifier - $39.34
- Super Taster Test Kit - $21.98
To determine whether or not Eidos has grounds to call itself "superhuman" I forced the gear to undergo rigorous, yet fair, questioning and testing.
Me: Eidos, the word "superhuman" designates some sort of skill or trait enhancement that the average--and even above-average--person does not have. Are you in compliance with this requirement?
Eidos: Yes. I am able to significantly heighten the individual's audio and visual sensory receptors.
Me: Eidos, I do not understand what that means. Please re-answer the question in plain English comprehensible to a person with a 3rd-grade reading level.
Eidos: I can give anyone who uses me super hearing and super vision.
Me: What?! That's so frikkin' cool, dude! So can you, like...uh...I mean, I see, Eidos. Interesting. Super hearing and super vision are indeed rare and...super. But superhumans must also have a disguise. A costume that keeps their true identity secret so that they can maintain normal lives as reporters or playboy billionaires when they aren't being superhuman. Can your sense-ratcheting gear also do this?
Eidos: Well, yeah, I mean, it's a massive mouth and jaw attachment and a pair of elephant-sized cataract glasses. You might get mistaken for some sort of artistic take on, say, Max Headroom, but probably not recognized as yourself.
Me: Oh yeah, I can sort of see Max around the chin line. Alright then, Eidos, you've answered my questions satisfactorily. Now it's time for the field test. Follow me. There's an Alpha Delta Pi house a couple miles north of here, and I heard they're having a team building activity tonight that incorporates mud and pillows.
Eidos equipment, still in development phases, improves normal sensory perception by isolating and enhancing selected sonic or visual stimuli, while excluding other stimuli that compete with them. For example, the mask fitted over a wearer's mouth and ears neutralizes background noise, but funnels desired sounds in through its mouthpiece, right to the inner ear. Eidos glasses have a built-in camera that captures imagery, automatically applies enhancing effects to it, and then feeds it through an external processor so the wearer can gain clear views of patterns and movements from a specific event, such as a theater performance or football game.
Admittedly, Eidos gear has goals of serving the healthcare industry more than the average-Joe-who-wants-an-advantage industry. It hopes to benefit those with hearing and sight impairments, as well as support better learning environments for kids with ADHD.