Box of Crap Packing Tape
While "box of crap" is an accurate description for at least 3/4 of the packages I send and receive, I feel like sealing them with Box of Crap Packing Tape wouldn't bode well for me. Package thieves will think it's a trick, and be even more inclined to steal a box of crap, while shippers and movers will gleefully take the tape literally and treat your package like its stated contents.
Still, David Shrigley's descriptive adhesive got a chuckle out of me, and will probably do the same to anyone who sees and slices through it. My suggestions for highest and best use of Box of Crap Packing Tape: assembling and reinforcing file boxes at the office, or storage boxes at home. Especially if the home is that of your hoarder mama who's constantly making you search through literal boxes of crap in her attic for things like an uggo sparrow figurine your Aunt Jan gave her 20 years ago, and has been asking about lately, so Mama wants to have it out when Jan comes over for dinner this week.
Muchas danke to The Awesomer.