Snittens - The Original Snot Mittens
- MySack Smack a Sack - Stress Relief Sack with 2 Red Stress Balls - $14.95
- Farting Poop Emoji Pen - $14.95
- Snittens for Ladies - $19.99
- C is for Chafing - $10.87
- Potty Texter Toilet Cell Phone Holder - $22.95
First there were mittens, then there were Shittens, and now there are Snittens. Mittens sewn with soft and luxurious fabrics able to absorb 28 times their weight in tears and snot, so the next time you're out in the cold and need to wipe your eyes or blow your nose, you can skip the tissues and the handkerchiefs, the sleeves and the bodily fluid projectiles. With Snittens you can make those waterworks and snot rockets disappear right into your hand.
Whoa. Sounds like Snittens have come to us straight from the Ministry of Magic.
Part novelty gift, part hand sponge, and all Original Snot Mittens, Snittens are a winter warrior's new best friend. Athletes who run, hike, or ski outdoors in the cold, or workers and DIYers who head out there to get shit done, usually end up with watery eyes and runny noses. Snittens provide a quick, accessible medium for wiping the tears and snot away without soaking articles of clothing that weren't specifically designed to, again, absorb 28 times their weight in tears and snot.
Snittens also help preclude chapped noses and unsightly snotcicles. Oh, and they keep your hands warm.
Use the entire palm side of your Snittens to wipe away tears, and the full top side for snot. Then throw them in the washer to de-gross and make them like new for repeated, long-term use.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/Handerpants-580.jpg?mode=crop "Handerpants")
Handerpants
Finally a real need has been filled. Underpants for your hands. Great for protecting your hands while... eating chocolate and scratching your butt? Maybe these gloves should be worn under your regular gloves to protect...
/owl-mittens-57096.jpg?mode=crop "Owl Mittens")
Owl Mittens
Well owl be damned. They didn't just make some Owl Mittens, they made some Owl Mittens covered in owls so realistic they are kind of creeping me out to look at, and I hope I never encounter anyone wearing a pair!...
/flippin-mittens-47869.jpg?mode=crop "Flippin' Mittens")
Flippin' Mittens
If you can't score a pair of Bernie Mittens, might I suggest Flippin' Mittens as a close second in eye-catching and meme-worthy mitten designs? Running as a limited edition from Matt Benedetto's Unnecessary Inventions...
/never-let-go-parent-child-56883.jpg?mode=crop "Never Let Go Parent-Child Mittens")
Never Let Go Parent-Child Mittens
Never gonna give you up / Never gonna let you go / Never gonna let your fingers get cold / Never gonna say goodbye / But I might make you cry / If you try to slip out of my handhold...
/freezy-freakies-retro-40261.jpg?mode=crop "Freezy Freakies Retro Color-Changing Adult Snow Gloves")
Freezy Freakies Retro Color-Changing Adult Snow Gloves
A little Hot Tub Time Machine mixed with a little 6-year-old you, and voila! Freezy Freakies retro color-changing snow gloves are back. Even better, these badass winter warmers of the 80s have grown with you, but in size...
/Smoking-Mittens-512.jpg?mode=crop "Smoking Mittens")
Smoking Mittens
If you insist on slowly killing yourself, I think it's only reasonable that you do it with warm hands and smelly mittens. The economy of design is pretty clever though, and I'll admit, there were a few drunken nights...
/ice-scraper-mitts-46332.jpg?mode=crop "Ice Scraper Mitts")
Ice Scraper Mitts
The biting morning cold. The cringey sound of the scraper. The reach across your windshield that has a 50/50 chance of tweaking your back. The damp, frozen, useless hand you're left with right when it's time to grip your...
/hestra-mens-winter-leather-37102.jpg?mode=crop "Hestra Men's Winter Leather Gloves")
Hestra Men's Winter Leather Gloves
Warm gloves are a handy accessory to have during winter, and particularly during a polar vortex...what? I'm not...pssshhh, whatever dude. I am so the first person ever to capitalize on the punny charm of calling gloves...
Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off
Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling...
/knox-handroid-hand-armor-15009.jpg "Knox Handroid Hand Armor Gloves")
Knox Handroid Hand Armor Gloves
As if riding a motorcycle while protecting your skin from flaying off and bones from splitting in half weren't cool enough, Knox is going to make it look like you have mech hands in the process. More armor than gloves...
/stun-gun-gloves-40936.jpg?mode=crop "Stun Gun Gloves")
Stun Gun Gloves
Nothing communicates strength and confidence better than a firm handshake. Except, perhaps, a weak handshake administered by a hand wearing one of these stun gun gloves. Holy BZZZZZZT! Batman! I thought I'd seen my #1...