Dirty Body Spray

Posted: July 20, 2019
Dirty Body Spray

Need to appear more rugged and manly? A few spritzes of Dirty Body Spray will make you look like a mechanic and volunteer firefighter who just finished the World's Toughest Mudder. Scent choices include Pitmaster and Inside of a Boxing Glove.

Fine, I just made all of that up. It's not the kind of Dirty Body Spray that makes your body dirty, it's the kind of Dirty Body Spray you use on a dirty body to refresh it and make it smell clean.

Well, at least cleaner than your 20-minute bus ride plus 20-minute walk to work, capped off by the office's broken AC system, and blaring sunshine on your back as you Lime Bike it to your happy hour Tinder date that evening.

I actually heard a story along those lines on a recent Second Date Update, this radio bit where someone who went on a first date calls in because they had a really good time, but now the other person isn't responding to their calls and texts for a second date. The hosts then get the other person on the phone to find out what happened - without letting them know the calling is on the other line listening until the end.

This guy called in because he went on a Tinder date with a girl who ended up being way hotter and more cool than he thought she'd be. He'd worked all day, walked to the bar to meet her, and then started getting nervous when he realized he liked her, so became self-conscious that he reeked of b.o. and boy funk.

He excused himself to the bathroom to clean up, opting to soap up both his pits and his junk in the sink. Wet clothing, stinging genitals ensued, and a weirded out date who thought he shat himself ensued.

If only he'd had a bottle of Dirty Body Spray!

Lush Dirty Body Spray is an all-over deodorizer with sandalwood for neutralizing funky smells, and tarragon, lavender, and subtle spearmint to replace them with nice ones.

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