Fun Things to Do While You're Coronavirus Quarantined

Posted: March 10, 2020

Whether it's a mandatory coronavirus quarantine or a self-imposed coronavirus quarantine, as serious as COVID-19 may be, being stuck at home for any length of time because of it could become seriously boring. And stressful. Frustrating. A panic button.

Even for those of us accustomed to staying inside, gaming, streaming, and trolling around the internet for days on end, the vibe of it changes when we're not doing it by choice, but by command. Out of an immediate necessity to restore global health during a pandemic. Under these circumstances we'll all end up a little stir crazy, and in need of ways to busy our minds and bodies, release pent-up energy, and keep calm and quarantine on.

So while you're hoarding Purel, stocking up on canned goods, scrounging for face masks, and cooking up DIY hand sanitizer, think too about planning for the day-to-day, the hour-to-hour, of a coronavirus quarantine. In addition to your Reddit sub battles, gaming Battle Royales, and streaming Battles of the Bastards and battles on the streets of Blaviken, here are some ideas for fun things to do while you're coronavirus quarantined.

Note: despite the above image, most of this coronavirus-quarantined fun is not kid-friendly.

Read: Kindle Paperwhite e-Reader

Amazon may have to stop making in-person deliveries, but COVID-19 stops no Kindle from delivering the latest sci-fi, YA fiction, and Gronking to Remember to your e-reader. Instantly.

True, Kindle doesn't do pictures well yet, so The Big Book of Breasts 3D isn't going to come through, but what better time than a quarantine to rediscover your love of Hemingway and Austen, Koontz and King? Plus, I have way more ideas for boobies later on.

$129.99 ➠ Amazon

Exercise Your Body: EdgeCross X Home & Portable Gym

Let out some of your quarantined energy, plus some of the calories from all the pasta, rice, and canned beans you've been eating, with an at-home workout.

Positives: consisting of a handled barbell, balance wheel, and resistance bands, the EdgeCross X home (and portable) gym doesn't require much space or time to get you breathless and burning. Just 10 minutes a day on the latter.

Negatives: that 10 minutes is some 10 minutes of ultra-intense, crazy MF, Into the Badlands shit. Is this what Sunny and The Widow decided to do after AMC cancelled them? Team up to create the EdgeCross X and a 10-minute Clipper Training Program?

Speaking of Into the Badlands, wouldn't mind some quarantined rewatching of that on Netflix after my workout.

$194.99 & Up ➠ Amazon

Exercise Your Mind: 13 x 13 x 13 Rubik's Cube

While not technically a Rubik's Cube, one look at YJ MoYu's pillowy Speed Cube Puzzle Block, and you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. 13.6 centimeters of cranial stretching, crunching, extending, and possibly blood vessel popping. Yep, it's mental exercise. Cubed.

Unlike the EdgeCross X home gym, I think you're going to need a whole lot more than 10 minutes a day to get anywhere with the Speed Cube Puzzle. But at least once you finally solve it, the coronavirus will have passed, and your quarantine ended. Like, 7 weeks ago.

$298.88 ➠ Amazon

Relax: Shiatsu Foot Massager

Knead all thoughts of COVID-19 out of your system from the feet up. No risk of infecting anyone else using this shiatsu foot massager over the inordinately strong hands of Changying from Bamboo Foot Garden either.

$89.99 to $129.99 ➠ Amazon

Relax: Studenglass Gravity Pipe

Yes, it's a pandemic, but you're not doing yourself any good by freaking out. Just calm down. Just breathe. Big inhale. Right - feel this mouthpiece? - here.

The Studenglass, which gets Seth Rogan's hack of approval, aims to combine and improve upon the water pipe and hookah methods of smoking. Unlike another pricey inhalation enabler, the Volcano, the Studenglass is a pure gravity bong that requires no battery, plug, or motor. Instead, it uses 180 degrees of rotation to conjure and deliver its flow of smoke, the speed of which partakers can control with the tilt of the pipe's glass chambers.

$499 ➠ Studenglass

Cultivate: AeroGarden Bounty Indoor Hydroponic Herb Garden

If you can't buy it, grow it. And for once, I'm talking about food. The AeroGarden Bounty is designed to grow herbs, salad greens, tomatoes, peppers and more in its 9-pod configuration. The hydroponic garden is soil-free, grow-light-equipped, wifi-enabled and Alexa compatible to make it significantly less likely you'll kill off what might be the only fresh food you'll eat the rest of the year. I joke, I joke.

But, you know, it could be true.

$199.99 to $319.99 ➠ Amazon

Meditate: Kasina Mind Media System for Mood, Stress & Meditation

The MindPlace Kasina borrows its name from a Pali term and corresponding mediation method, which incorporates visual objects into its process of calming and focusing the mind. For its version of Kasina, MindPlace updates the method with 21st century technology, offering up a "Mind Media System" that combines MP3 or Wave audio with LED visual input to help achieve a variety a healthy mental states.

Hopefully feeling at ease with the inability to leave your house, and the possibility death is one of them.

$349 ➠ Amazon

Make: Flight Starter Mechanical Paper Airplane Launcher Kit

Something constructive. Something low-tech. Something truly fun to do while you're coronavirus quarantined. Don't forget to make yourself some targets too. Maybe they'll come out with a COVID-19 Giant Microbe.

The airplane launcher kit is from UGEARS, and comes with 198 pieces you'll have to put together to make your Flight Starter. As with all UGEARS models, no glue is required. You'll also receive 2 paper airplanes and a glider in the set to test your build out as soon as it's done.

The launcher uses a rubber band motor for tension buildup, and to fire your plane when you release the trigger. There's also a winding crank to control Flight Starter tension, and therefore the distance your paper plane will fly when released - up to 30 meters.

$30.14 ➠ Amazon

Make: LEGO Ship in a Bottle

The 962 pieces in the LEGO Ship in A Bottle include a brick-built bottle, ship, and display stand. The bottle's cork is itself buildable too, including a wax-seal-style flourish to add further detail to an already comprehensive set. And when you're ready to seal your LEGO ship inside its bottle, don't forget to scatter the 280 brick of clear blue "water" underneath it.

The LEGO ship includes a raised deck at the stern, captain's quarters, 6 cannons, 3 masts, a crow's nest, printed sails, and the ship's flag. After she's taken shape, you can call her "Leviathan," as per the nameplate on the stand. And if you can't remember "Leviathan," "Boaty McBoatface" always works too.

$69.99 ➠ Amazon

Play: Redneck Roadkill RC Trucks & Games

Redneck Roadkill RC pairs crusty old pickup trucks with related figures and accessories - skunks, signs, and zombies! - you can smash them into. It's all fun 'n' games, corona-quarantined-hillbilly-style!

$19.99 & Up ➠ Amazon

Play: Pop-A-Shot Home Dual Shot Basketball Game

This is an especially great option if you and your friend Cornelius are quarantined together! Nothing like a little friendly competition, with winner taking the last tube of Pringles either of you may ever see again, to have some fun during a lockdown.

$289.99 ➠ Amazon

Renovate: DIY Hidden Door Hinge System

If you've got the handymanliness and the desire, you've definitely got the time behind closed doors to build your house another closed door. Your very own secret passage to the Bat Cave.

This hidden door system hardware attaches to a bookshelf (not included, you gotta build that too) to create a 24" to 36" inswinging or outswinging door. Instructions--specs and diagrams--for both building the door and attaching the hinging system are included with the hardware package.

$219.99 ➠ Amazon

Decorate: RiserArt Adhesive Stairway Decor

"At last," RiserArt says, "a way to make your stairway beautiful!" And, I'd add, a way to make sure me and my inferior depth perception trip up the steps at least 3 times as often.

Some of the RiserArt scenes sure are purdy though, and if you're hunting for a fun quarantine distraction, any of the sets of adhesive vinyl panels would make a standout selection. Most stairway enhancers are photographs of nature or other outdoor sites, but RiserArt also has some mosaic panels that create an artful effect without building into a single scene and optical illusion.

$82 & Up ➠ Amazon

Masturbate: Unleash the Kraken Male Vibrator (NSFW)

Too much time on my hands means something else is gonna be on my hands real soon. And real often.

While we normally think of the kraken as wielding tentacles of asphyxiation and death, in its male masturbatory form, the the giant squid is actually all about pleasure. And healing. I mean, if you're quarantined because you're infected, I'm pretty sure the Kraken will suck the coronavirus right out of you.

$19.99 ➠ Amazon

Copulate: Talking, Heatable Smart Sex Doll (NSFW)

Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bump 'n' grind behind closed doors. Especially closed doors that are locked tight with a quarantine, with you stranded solo behind them. And no matter how you feel about sex dolls, there's no denying this sex doll is hot.

A feverish hot, at up to 104 degrees F! She's smart too. Smart enough to tell you how good you heat her up, to moan in response to your touch of her nostrils, and to talk dirty when you lick her big toe.

Or, like, whichever other lady parts on her you program to audibly turn her on as they physically get the horndog juices flowing in you.

Best of all, this lady is never going to turn you down because she has a headache. Or the coronavirus.

$1,099 ➠ Amazon

Copulate: Promescent Delay Spray

A quarantine is no time for a quickie, dudes. And if you're lucky enough to be locked down with a special lady, Promescent Delay Spray is designed to desensitize certain easily-riled areas so your sexy time doesn't run out faster than your last bottle of hand sanitizer.

$19.95 to $59.95 ➠ Promescent

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