Affirmators - Help Yourself without the Self-Helpy-Ness

Posted: March 01, 2023

In: Entertainment

Affirmators - Help Yourself without the Self-Helpy-Ness

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I'll say it up front: Affirmators! are not my thing. Even if they claim to be 50 Affirmation Cards to Help You Help Yourself without The Self-Helpy-Ness, Affirmators! are not my thing. But I think my sister-in-law would dig them. And they would definitely make great gifts for the girlfriends - every one of them, past, present, and future - of my friend Cornelius. The self-help-mantra-bubbly-and-bendy-in-yoga type is 100% his type.

My wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power? Nope. I thought maybe, but then I showed her the listing for Affirmators!, and she read the one entitled "Self-Love," which begins, "I openly embrace a feeling of self-love (the PG kind)."

"Um, what," she asked. "The PG kind? The PG kind?!" And then, my lady lost her shit. She railed on Affirmators! brand Knock Knock's "repressed f**kery that only affirms people should be themselves and love themselves only if their selves fit into the puritanical box society has built for them! They can't even vaguely allude to masturbation on a damn daily affirmation card? Holy hell! Here's a self-loving affirmation for Affirmators!: You. Suck. Balls. Your own. ... Damn, husband, now you've got me all worked up. Where's my Womanizer?"

Sigh. This Dude's Affirmator, today and evermore: I love my wife.

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