CrossBell Fitness System

Often when I struggle to empty a cooler of mostly-melted ice, or lift a fat jug to my lips for a refreshing drink, or dump the vat of Gatorade on my friend Cornelius' head after he scores point 10 in Settlers of Catan, I think, Holy low-hanging buffalo balls. Water is heavy. Well, it seems the people at Crossbell share my sentiments. Better yet, they also have the professional drive to turn thought into action, having merged the heaviness of water with the hybrid hollow shape of a kettlebell/dumbbell/plate in their variably weighted, full-body strength and cardio training system, CrossBell.

The evolved CrossBell design enables its units to function as multiple pieces of gym equipment, and users to transition between kettlebell, dumbbell, and barbell exercises with just a few modifications. Most uniquely, CrossBells gain their weight from water. Like, legitimately, not like how my ex would wash down a double bacon cheeseburger with a toffee almond milkshake and then claim the rolls of fat preventing her from fully zipping her pants were "just water weight." Each hollow bell is fillable to the user's desired level of resistance, from 2.2 to 10 pounds. (Two units on the ends of a barbell have a weight range of 9.9 to 25.5 pounds).

In addition to the equipment, CrossBell also has an exercise ethos and method. The idea is to designate a single weight amount/water fill line for all bells (based upon your current level of fitness) prior to beginning each workout, and then increase that amount as you advance. However, even once you peak out on weight (i.e., hit the 10-pound max for the kettlebell variation of the unit) CrossBell gurus claim the strongest and fittest participants can still suffer maximal ass kicking by following their Metabolic Variance Training (MVT) program. This entails going head-to-head with a clock and performing as many reps of the specified exercise as possible in a set amount of time. Short bursts of high-intensity training combine with rest periods and dynamic movements to form a comprehensive workout that shreds calories and builds muscle. So they say.

And what they say sounds nothing short of brilliant. In fact, I am more or less sold on the system, pending an answer to my #1 question, which the CrossBell Website neglects to address: can all of these health benefits and hard-bodied CrossBell effects be achieved while lying supine on the couch?