Got Snipped Vasectomy Gift Baskets
/got-snipped-vasectomy-gift-16472.jpg "Got Snipped Vasectomy Gift Baskets")
- Male Testicle Support Brace - $9.83
- Get Well Care Package - $34.99
- SpermCheck VASECTOMY 2 Test Kit - $39.99
- 100% Juice - No seeds! T-Shirt - $22.99
- Velvet Kitten Frisky French Maid Costume - $22.99
It's that mad, mad, mad, mad time of year. With March comes Selection Sunday. With Selection Sunday comes the NCAA Tournament. And with the NCAA Tournament comes...vasectomies. Lots and lots of vasectomies. More vasectomies in a weeklong period than occur in any given month--maybe multiple months--at all other times of the year. Although live online streaming now makes it easier for men to sneak in viewings of 1st and 2nd round tournament action at the office, nothing compares to spending 2 solid days parked on the couch watching college basketball on a 65" flat screen with a few 6-packs. Even if it means getting snipped to get license to do it.
And now electively surrendering your ability to reproduce can come not only with a coupla days' recovery time at the height of March Madness, but also a sweet Got Snipped gift basket stashed with all the comforts you'll need to get over saying goodbye to your seeds of life. Most notably, that means some tightie whities to stabilize my family jewels, beer koozies to insulate my Bud Light Limes, and a hand bell so I don't go hoarse on top of hacked up in my nether regions yelling MAAAMAAA! I need some more ice and a large plate of nachos!
Got Snipped gift baskets come in sizes Ultimate and Deluxe. The Ultimate set uses a PEVA insulated backpack cooler large enough to store an 18-pack of 12 oz. cans to house:
- A steel hand bell.
- A set of golf balls. In the color blue. Obviously.
- 2 x pint glasses inscribed with the message, "R.I.P. My Vas Deferens," to eulogize the loss.
- 6-inch English-style ice pack to help ease swollen peens.
- 2 x neoprene beer koozies, also printed with the inspirational, "They can take my vas deferens, but they will never take...my FREEDOM!!!"
- A 3-pack of tightie whities.
- 2 x DVDs, the buyer's choice from Got Snipped's collection of "highly re-watchable" flicks.
The Deluxe Got Snipped Basket is a smaller version of the ultimate that arrives in a 6-pack-sized PEVA cooler. It includes the hand bell, koozies, golf balls, an RIP vas deferens shot glass, and the buyer's choice of 1 x DVD.
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
How to Pee with Morning Wood
A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...
/private-gym-penis-trainer-15734.jpg "Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)")
Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)
It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...
How to Live with a Huge Penis
Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me...
/wobbling-willy-your-face-on-28316.jpg "Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)")
Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)
Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...
/embarrassing-box-prank-mailer-26431.jpg?mode=crop "Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)")
Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)
D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...
/penis-weight-set-43612.jpg?mode=crop "Penis Weight Set")
Penis Weight Set
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real...
Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)
Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing...
Infant Circumcision Trainer
Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...
/heres-the-rub-the-best-male-45378.jpg?mode=crop "Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)")
Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)
The very best male masturbatory aids always have been and always will be porn - obviously - but recent developments in sex toy tech and gadgetry, and the fact that dating is even trickier during a pandemic than it is...
/pacos-taco-stroker-22826.jpg "Paco's Taco Stroker")
Paco's Taco Stroker
At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...
/the-ball-lifter-nsfw-19337.jpg?mode=crop "The Ball Lifter (NSFW)")
The Ball Lifter (NSFW)
I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...