Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy
Duuuuuude is what I always feel like my cat, Zanzibar, is thinking when he looks at me. But not in a Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy kind of way, which suggests the thing in the cat's possession is better than two dead mice and an orgasm. More like in an exasperated, eye-rolling kind of way, which suggests the thing in the cat's possession (i.e., me) is so tedious and difficult not to kill in his sleep that the cat will just have to claw him on the cheek and upper lip while he's awake to release some ire and make spending yet another day in his company bearable.
All of this is to say, I will not be buying a Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy for my assholic duuuuuude cat, Zanzibar.
/biteybox-for-cats-that-chew-up-59902.jpg?mode=crop "BiteyBox for Cats That Chew Up Your House")
BiteyBox for Cats That Chew Up Your House
Reading about the BiteyBox has brought me to a stunning realization: my cat, Zanzibar, has a redeeming quality! He doesn't chew up my house! I've only ever had one cat - inherited through marriage because my wife, She-Ra:...
/apollo-peak-cat-wine-22888.jpg "Apollo Peak Cat Wine")
Apollo Peak Cat Wine
No, cat haters, Apollo Peak does not make wine out of cats. And, sorry pranksters, MosCATo is not a bottle of fermented grapes finished with cat pee that you can send anonymously to the nosy, loud-mouthed B from marketing...
/meownooker-cat-billiards-toy-59578.jpg?mode=crop "Meownooker Cat Billiards Toy")
Meownooker Cat Billiards Toy
A Meownooker? Sounds like a cat lookin' to deliver his goods to a Meownookie. Who will, of course, tell him to take that cookie and stick it up his (yeah). But, no. Meownooker is actually a billiards- / pool-themed toy...
The Cat Crib
Spoil your cat the same way you spoil your feet: with a nice, relaxing hammock under your desk or chair. Kitties get cozy and tucked away from the commotion of a human-infested home with the Cat Crib...
Moody Pet Fling-Ama-String
Nothing beats a hearty laugh had at a cat's expense. Aw, come on. Unlike a cucumber, Moody Pet's Fling-Ama-String is great fun for the kitties too. The battery-operated toy looks a little like a strongman game, but instead...
/nerf-catnip-disc-blaster-cat-50755.jpg?mode=crop "Nerf Catnip Disc Blaster Cat Toy")
Nerf Catnip Disc Blaster Cat Toy
Hey, I'm all for antagonizing cats, especially my own feline arch nemesis, Zanzibar, but calling the Nerf Catnip Disc Blaster a cat "toy"? Dudes, check out those catnip discs. Two inches in diameter, and made of what...
/meowijuana-catnip-56753.jpg?mode=crop "Meowijuana Catnip")
Meowijuana Catnip
Do your cats have the need, the need for weed? Meowijuana Catnip feels their cravings, and has developed a whole line of herbalicious products they call "Catnip so good it should be illegal!"...
/electric-dancing-fish-cat-toy-43417.jpg?mode=crop "Electric Dancing Fish Cat Toy")
Electric Dancing Fish Cat Toy
Maybe your cat has always been stuck inside, but now you are too, and this electric dancing fish cat toy is here to bring you both a diversion, some interactive playtime, and perhaps even a little joy...
/treatoi-automatic-treat-ball-50452.jpg?mode=crop "TREATOI Automatic Treat Ball Dispenser")
TREATOI Automatic Treat Ball Dispenser
Like getting a second dog, or dropping in for some remote cooing and play on a Petcube, the TREATOI automatic treat ball dispenser is not going to make your pup look less forlorn when you leave the house, or miss you...
$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat
The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...
Cat Battle Armor
Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...
/16-meow-ty-fine-cat-gifts-for-61236.jpg?mode=crop "16 Meow-ty Fine Cat Gifts for 2023")
16 Meow-ty Fine Cat Gifts for 2023
Cue the jingle, because I've got a Meow Mix of delights here for you. Meow-meow-meow-meow / meow-meow-meow-meow / meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow. That's 16 meows of the cat food commercial classic to represent...