Neptunic Steel Mesh Sharksuit
Neptunic's Sharksuit, a stainless steel chainmail diver's suit, is kinda like cage diving with sharks. Except rather than being inside the cage that's going to protect you, you're wearing it. So you can actually touch the sharks. In the teeth. Taunting, Nom, nom, nom, Sharky McSharkface, how's about a bite of forear- oh! Sike! Just a mouthful of metal for you!
Seriously, though, Neptunic stands by the strength (and lightness) of their Sharksuits, reporting the "world leader in anti shark bite technology" has been "tested by our own team members under the most extreme bite conditions."
Neptunic has been making Sharksuit protective layers for over 30 years, and the company says wearing them will drastically reduce the likelihood of getting torn to pieces, or just sustaining major injury, in the event of a shark attack. How. Ever. They do not guarantee your pristine safety and untouchability while messing around with sharks, regardless of whether or not you're wearing a Neptunic Sharksuit. Got it?
Should you still choose to pursue live action Shark Week adventures, Neptunic Sharksuits come in several pieces. First, the Sharksuit sleeves and tunic, the former worn underneath the latter, create double coverage from the elbow through the upper torso. Sharksuit gloves attach to the sleeves to eliminate wrist exposure. The gloves have a "trap door" in the form of a slotted helix so the diver can remove his / her hand in and out without removing other pieces of the chainmail suit.
Sharksuit pants have a quick release nylon belt sleeve for evenly distributed weight support, and the ability to wear them with or without the included harness. The pants also come with detached booties, which secure underneath them, and above the ankle bone. For full head and neck coverage, plus Monty Python solidarity, add the Sharksuit hood.
Seabreacher Shark X Water Jet
Seabreacher water jets snugly seat two people with exceptional control over their stomachs and bowels for a nautical roller coaster ride of dives, breaches, spins, and respective surface and subsurface speeds of up to...
/sharkini-swimsuit-8700.jpg?mode=crop "Sharkini Swimsuit")
Sharkini Swimsuit
Sharks are scary. Girls are scary. Gaaahhh! It's the worst hybrid ever! To all Dude Facebook readers who expressed sentiments of peeved off at our posting of a Sharkini photo without information about where to throw wads...
/Baby-Blue-Terry-Shark-Robe-1143.jpg?mode=crop "Baby Blue Terry Shark Robe")
Baby Blue Terry Shark Robe
Though not always as deadly as they seem, let's face it, babies are predators. Sharks in sheep's clothing. Seconds away from their next tantrum. Ready. Waiting... to ruin your life. So let's not pretend we like them...
Animatronic Shark Costume
Seabob, an animatronic shark costume visual effects designers VFXLAB recently took for a test swim in the San Bernardino Doubletree Hotel pool, is many things. Funny, a good prank, and a way for my friend Cornelius to...
/the-best-shark-themed-gifts-34259.jpg?mode=crop "The Best Shark Themed Gifts")
The Best Shark Themed Gifts
Two events inspired this collection of the best shark themed gifts. The obvious: we're in the middle of Shark Week 2018...
/shark-repellent-grenade-20286.jpg?mode=crop "Shark Repellent Grenade")
Shark Repellent Grenade
Surfers, SCUBA divers, mermaids, and baby seals now have a means of deterring the Ultimate Dread. Thwarting the very reason some break a sweat at the mere mention of the ocean. These here grenades contain a highly calibrated...
/the-sharkalope-19297.jpg?mode=crop "The Sharkalope")
The Sharkalope
The dudes at Zombie Tools call their new Sharkalope knife "an unholy confusion of genetics." I love the dudes at Zombie Tools. I hate them too. Because not only are they way better at their job of forging apocalyptic...
Shark Fin Dog Life Jacket
This shark won't take a bite out of your leg, but get too close and he'll probably lick and hump it. How clever. A shark life preserver for your pooch. He might hate wearing it, but the full-body flotation vest will keep...
Shark Repellent Rash Guard
Though most people would probably rather get burnt by the sun than bitten by a shark, both injuries are pretty bad these days. Take your pick on which one leads to a slow, tortuous death, or having flesh ripped away from...
Shark Tooth Weapons
Land shark! Or at least the scariest part of the shark now available to tear into human flesh on land. Dane Kealoha's shark tooth weapons style themselves after traditional blades and blunt implements with walloping power...
/your-worst-fears-bedding-53449.jpg?mode=crop "Your Worst Fears Bedding")
Your Worst Fears Bedding
Who never wants to sleep again? These bedding sets depicting some of our worst fears and phobias are here to make it happen! Think of them as dreams nightmares come true...
Shark Hologram LED Night Light Lamp
If they'd given Joseph an Amazing Technicolor Dream Shark instead of a Dream Coat, this holographic LED lamp is probably what it would have looked like. It would've been a way better gift too--I bet Joseph's brothers...