LED Eyelashes
/LED-Eyelashes-851.jpg "LED Eyelashes")
These are aptly named. An ingenious piece of technology wrought from Asian women's desire to have larger eyes, these seem more fit for the drug-and-urine-splattered concrete floor of the next rave in Omaha, Nebraska.
/50-pearl-laden-oysters-10720.jpg?mode=crop "50 Pearl-Laden Oysters")
50 Pearl-Laden Oysters
Simultaneously the most thoughtful and disgusting gift a girl could ever get. Each of these 50 freshwater oysters is guaranteed to have a real, 6mm to 7mm round akoya pearl inside. But here's the catch: uh, the pearls...
/et-of-the-most-expensive-43731.jpg?mode=crop "11 of the Most Expensive Things for Sale on Amazon")
11 of the Most Expensive Things for Sale on Amazon
I tried to curate my collection of 11 of the most expensive things for sale on Amazon not just according to their cost, but also their substance, how well they present, whether or not I looked at their price, read their...
/nightball-led-volleyball-60112.jpg?mode=crop "Nightball LED Volleyball")
Nightball LED Volleyball
You might be a baller, but I'll bet you're no Nightballer. Ooooh, spike! In your face!...
Iron Samurai Blue LED Watch
As if the opportunity to wear a segmented steel LED-lit wristband that might make people wonder if you're under house arrest isn't reason enough to complete this purchase, the fact that the Iron Samurai also possesses...
/led-cube-chair-58950.jpg?mode=crop "LED Cube Chair")
LED Cube Chair
Why, LED Cube Chair, you're glowing! ... Are you...pregnant?! No? Full of light, not life? Ah, well, you look beautiful either way...
FLASHr iPhone Notification Case
FLASHr debuts on Kickstarter as New Orleans boys Trey DeArk and Terence Green's slick reappropriation of the iPhone's built-in LED camera flash and iOS' "LED Flash Alerts". A 3-part, multi-colored case, FLASHr intertwines...
/leg-chains-57100.jpg?mode=crop "Leg Chains")
Leg Chains
Nothing sets off a slit better than...well, the leg underneath it. Ahem, Angelina Jolie. But after that, definitely one of these Leg Chains. Any one of them. They're all hot. So hot. Like, Yowza!, Waa-waa-wee-wow!, How...
Designer Star Wars Jewelry
Paul Bierker is a formally educated designer with a BFA in Jewelry Design and Graphic Design, and a BAMF in handcrafted Star Wars jewelry. Even I might wear a ladies' sapphire and diamond ring if it also looked like the...
/musch-musch-jewelry-your-41931.jpg?mode=crop "Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)")
Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)
And if you're not into your privates on a pendant, Musch Musch will also hand make (hand job?) photos of your very own penis, vagina, boobies, or butthole into a bracelet, a mug, or, for the ultimate dick pic, a 3D piece...
Dancing Water Speakers
Broadcast your beats to the world from your car with LED equalizer stickers, and broadcast your beats to your mama from the living room with these dancing water speakers. Don't worry, she'll love them. They'll remind...
/oreylo-helix-hook-ear-cuffs-58584.jpg?mode=crop "Oreylo Helix Hook Ear Cuffs")
Oreylo Helix Hook Ear Cuffs
Earrings meet ear cuffs...meet hat pins meet cocktail toothpicks in Oreylo's line of Helix Hook Ear Cuffs. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Dude, that's a good way to puncture some lymph nodes in the name of fashion...
/crown-nipple-rings-nsfw-50257.jpg?mode=crop "Crown Nipple Rings (NSFW)")
Crown Nipple Rings (NSFW)
Maybe she calls herself a queen. Maybe she calls herself a princess. She's definitely some level of royalty. So I think it's time to bow down and crown her. No, lower. Nooooo...not that low. This crown is for her nipple...