Owl Mittens

Barn owl pellets are the results of barn owls wolfing down their food without chewing it enough. Just like I do. But unlike me, the owls do not have cast iron stomachs that can digest the fur and bones of the little rodents...

Maybe the wise old steampunk MechOwlies can tell me why. Tell me why ain't nothin' but a heartache. Tell me why ain't nothin' but a mistake. Tell me why I never wanna hear you say I want it that way. Or at least whether...

Owlberto the Wise. Lamp. Robot. Vintage Kodak Stereo camera head that makes him look kind of like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit. Owlberto's eyes light up via a pair of LED bulbs, while his torso slays additional darkness...

When you're sittin' on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man, use your hand...or get some Shittens. Protecting ourselves from fecal matter should be a priority right up there with wearing sunscreen and planning...

Finally a real need has been filled. Underpants for your hands. Great for protecting your hands while... eating chocolate and scratching your butt? Maybe these gloves should be worn under your regular gloves to protect...

Never gonna give you up / Never gonna let you go / Never gonna let your fingers get cold / Never gonna say goodbye / But I might make you cry / If you try to slip out of my handhold...

A little Hot Tub Time Machine mixed with a little 6-year-old you, and voila! Freezy Freakies retro color-changing snow gloves are back. Even better, these badass winter warmers of the 80s have grown with you, but in size...

If you insist on slowly killing yourself, I think it's only reasonable that you do it with warm hands and smelly mittens. The economy of design is pretty clever though, and I'll admit, there were a few drunken nights...

The biting morning cold. The cringey sound of the scraper. The reach across your windshield that has a 50/50 chance of tweaking your back. The damp, frozen, useless hand you're left with right when it's time to grip your...

First there were mittens, then there were Shittens, and now there are Snittens. Mittens sewn with soft and luxurious fabrics able to absorb 28 times their weight in tears and snot, so the next time you're out in the cold...

Warm gloves are a handy accessory to have during winter, and particularly during a polar vortex...what? I'm not...pssshhh, whatever dude. I am so the first person ever to capitalize on the punny charm of calling gloves...