Alien Mind Control Mask
Oh what I would give to wear this Alien Mind Control mask to work. I'd just ride the lobby elevator up and down all day long, standing there ominously to greet, and soil the pants of, everyone who gets on. I'm almost wetting mine just thinking of the pleasure and Instagram gems I'd take as the doors bing! open and they look up from their phones or away from the co-worker they are mere days away from having an affair with to see a hostile, grisly-skinned alien blowing up their worst nightmares with his joystick.
I know it sounds mean-spirited, but you have to remember: I am nothing if not a man of mean spirits.
The elaborate Alien Mind Control mask fits fully over its wearer's head, staying light and keeping its shape over a full 8-hour day of elevator riding with a foam-based filling. While not included, rigging the mask with lights and audio containing the words "mothership" and "anal probe" are obviously mandatory if you plan to use it to steal children's trick-or-treating loot this Halloween.