Ode to the Tardigrade: The Best Water Bear Merch

Posted: July 02, 2019

A whole curated collection of tardigrade clothing, gear, and random desktop accessories! You're welcome, microbiologists. The tiny water bear seems to be Rrawwrr!-ing onto the pop culture scene too, giving the equally humble and adorable sloth a run for his merchandising money.

Alright, let's battle it out: Water-Dwelling Micro-Animal Vs. Ultra-Slow Arboreal Mammal. Five Time Extinction Event Champion Vs. Docile & Large Enough to Give You a Hug. Who wins?

Or, maybe a better question, when is the tardigrade going to get its own Tardzilla shower curtain?

If you want to learn more about the tardigrade species, check out this Washington Post video (image credit to Taylor Turner / The Washington Post).

I hope you'll join me in my ode to the tardigrade, and enjoy looking through these pieces of water bear merch as much as I did.

Live Tiny, Die Never Mug

I mean, I know the tardigrade is small enough to literally fall through the cracks of history, and therefore avert all major catastrophic events, but you still have to give the wee water bear credit for its longevity. And its persistence. The world tried to stop the tardigrade, but...the tardigrade persisted.

$14.95 ➠ Amazon

Decorative Tardigrade in Clothes

Someday the water bear (also nicknamed the moss piglet) could help us bring life to Mars. For now, though, it's just helping us bring life to our living room decor. Equisetum Shop's Tardigrade in Clothes is made of polyester stuffed linen, and wears a lovely flowered chemise. The shirt does an excellent job of drawing attention away from the extra bulk it's carrying in its back segments.

$74 ➠ Etsy

Stress Tardigrade

If looking at a cutey-patootie tardigrade isn't enough to make your tensions and frustrations disappear, maybe stretching and squishing the segments of one of the eight-legged wonders will do the trick.

$12.90 ➠ Amazon

Five Time Extinction Champ T-Shirt

Like the Live Tiny, Die Never Mug, the Tardigrade Five Time Extinction Champ T-Shirt celebrates the water bear's ability to outlive anything. In addition, the micro-beasts can sustain themselves in pretty much any environment. They have been found everywhere from alpine lakes to mud volcanoes to the deepest depths of the oceans.

A bonus to wearing a tardigrade T-Shirt over drinking from a tardigrade mug is that the shirt can easily go everywhere you do, so you can spread the water bear love, and maybe even do some fun 'splaining to people who haven't heard of the little chub before.

$15.99 ➠ Amazon

Water Bear Don't Care T-Shirt

Earlier I mentioned the water bear encroaching the sloth's pop culture territory, but a Water Bear Don't Care T-Shirt indicates it might actually be a takeover of the honey badger. Has anyone hilariously narrated a tardigrade video for YouTube yet?

$19.99 ➠ Amazon

Tardigrades in Space Bow Tie

Summer is wedding season, right? Any microbiologist grooms out there? Science-y types still looking for a standout accent to their groomsmen's tuxes? Check it out. This isn't just a tardigrades bow tie. It's a tardigrade in space bow tie. You got stars and the anti-gravity effect in action on this piece of formalwear.

And I'll bet if we had the capacity to look, we'd find this depiction of water bears thriving somewhere besides earth isn't too far off.

$7.99 ➠ Amazon

GIANTmicrobes Water Bear Plush Toy

Forget teddy bears, get your kid a snuggly tardi-bear. GIANTmicrobes produces a ton of takes on plush toys shaped like molecules, diseases, organs, and other typically unsavory bits of biological life. Their Water Bear Plush Toy measures about 6" x 4" x 3".

$16.95 ➠ Amazon

Tardigrade Cookie Cutter

Alright, who's in charge of cookies for the science fair? I doubt eating tardigrades will imbue our bodies with their extreme resilience, but I'm positive eating tardigrade cookies will imbue them with a sense of satisfaction and general well-being.

$13 ➠ Etsy

More Products You Might Like