Novelty

The Office Stapler in Jell-O Soap

$21.24 Etsy »

March 24, 2005. A simpler time, when we were younger, life was still normal, business was as usual, and staplers were being congealed inside Jell-O molds in The Office. The doors of Dunder Mifflin opened on our TV sets...

Middle Finger Birthday Glasses

$19.95 - $21.95 Etsy »

I bought one of these middle finger birthday glasses for my father-in-law, who turns 80 - haha, 80, the crusty old fart! - this year. I went with the "I'm 79 + [flipped bird standing in for the number '1']" rocks glass...

Tactical Belt-Mounted Egg Holster

Who needs a Tactical Belt-Mounted Egg Holster? I'll tell you who. Tired of working his cottontail off for weeks decorating eggs in elaborate patterns all the colors of spring, only to have a good third of them break before...

Jack Offerman Wind-Up Toy (NSFW)

$7.57 Amazon »

Name's Jack, Jack Offerman. ... No relation to Nick. Well, then again, wind-up toy status notwithstanding, maybe this plastic masturbating master does have a few things in common with Nick. You'll have to ask his wife...

Fingers Mk III - Tapping Fingers Mechanical Sculpture

$830 Laikingland »

There's something different about this sculpture...I just...can't quite put my finger on - oh! It moved! The hand, its fingers, they drum, they tap, they rat-a-tat-tat. Just like yours and mine do. And just like Nik Ramage's...

Deluxe Dutch Oven Kit

$39.99 Etsy »

Nothing says, I love you to the fiercest farters in your life like a Deluxe Dutch Oven Kit. Hahaha, you might think, this is such a clever gag gift! Everyone's gonna have a good laugh at The Dude when he opens it, and...

Penis Light Switch Cover

$5 Etsy »

Tee-hee-hee! Or should I say, Pee-hee-hee! Here are some penis light switch covers for all the lovers and lovers-less out there who just want a romantic night with some of that D. This penis is down for some lights-off...

Blowjob Token

$12.95 Amazon »

Roll your eyes, ladies, but a Blowjob Token, obvious as it may be, is the ultimate Valentine's Day gift for a man. Actually, a Blowjob Token is the ultimate gift for a man on any day, for any reason...

The FartVac - Suck Up Smelly Farts Before They Escape

$11.99 Amazon »

As excited as I know you all are to stick the FartVac up your butt in the name of sucking up smelly farts before they escape into the room, and noses of your family / date / coworkers / fellow citizens waiting at the...

Radioactive Glass Marbles

$12 Etsy »

These Radioactive Glass Marbles remind me of a New Year's Eve tradition / superstition. Some say if you can eat 12 grapes in as many strokes of midnight when the year changes over, you will have good luck and prosperity...

Social Distancing Zapper

What's the buzz? Yer keister, mister, when I Social Distancing Zapper ya for encroaching into my 6 feet of personal space!...

Taco Holder Butt Plug

$35 - $50 Etsy »

Grab a Taco Holder Butt Plug and run for the b...ack door. I should be all Borat "I excite! I excite!" about Etsy shop Glow F**k Yourself's fetish toys - sex and tacos might be my two favorite things on Earth. But somehow...

Potato Parcel - Your Face on a Real Potato

$23.99 Amazon »

Never thought you bore much of a resemblance to Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head, eh? Well. Just wait 'til you see your head on a potato. Potato Parcel is a potato printing press that customizes spuds with the photos and images...

U Stink Skunk Last Place Trophy

$17.99 Amazon »

When even a skunk says, "U stink!" you know you're a loser. But don't worry, there's a trophy for that. A Last Place Trophy with a special spot for custom engraving your name, or the thing you suck more at than everyone...

Office Possum

$21.70 Amazon »

Waka, waka, waka, it's the old possum in the office trash can surprise! You know, the classic Office Possum prank. The practical joke of the...yeah, OK, the practical joke of the nothing. Hiding a possum in your co-worker's...

Real Miniature Steel Sword

Sold Out Etsy »

This steel sword may be forged in miniature, but it's still honed to a super sharp edge, and eager to be wielded during all the little battles you'll fight in your life. Loose threads. Plastic clamshell packaging. That...

3D Printed Dickasaurus (NSFW)

$10 - $16 Etsy »

Sex toy, trophy for a dude who's a real T-Rex in the bedroom, (literal) gag gift, the 3D Printed Dickasaurus will serve you well as any of these. But me, I bought a 3D Printed Dickasaurus to leave anonymously for my boss...

Jar of F*cks Gift Jar

$24.99 Etsy »

I don't give a f*ck about you...I give a whole jar of f*cks about you! Ha! What an unexpected linguistic turnaround! Not to mention the perfect gift for the girlfriend or wife who loves wordplay. And f*cks...

Artistic Slimez Scented Slime

$9 - $10.50 Amazon »

Slime in patio fungus, rotting produce, and nose forms: OMG gross. Slime in whimsical colors, made from hygienic ingredients boxed up for kiddos to play with: fun; funky; and tactilely stimulating. Artistic Slimez crafted...

Texas Toothpick

$24 Amazon »

Texas Toothpick is a euphemism for this 2-pronged S-curve's true nature and intent. I almost selected it as the next edition of What Is This Thing? but decided its application isn't discrete or practical enough to make...

Road Rage Restrictor

What?! Road Rage Restrictor? Middle finger on lockdown? Well, more like Pointer, Ring Finger, and Pinky on lockup. But, but, why? One of the only redeeming qualities of driving today is being able to flip off other drivers...

No.2 ASSence Prank Perfume

$16.95 Amazon »

Eau de toilette meets eau de toilet with No. 2 ASSence, The Fragrance. It's a prank perfume not only in name and packaging, but also, uh on the nose, with a scent seller Gagster describes as "a fart, the smell of a skunk...

Hot Head Candles

No one can say these famous (and infamous) politicians and world leaders (plus Albert Einstein) aren't hot heads when they have Hot Head Candle wicks sticking out of their heads...

Cock Breath Mints

$6.99 Amazon »

Cock breath is alright, but I think I prefer dick breath. As an insult, I mean. Obviously...